Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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