Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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