It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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