I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
