i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize