How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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