I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize