why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just want to make out with him forever
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
