Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize