Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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