When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
