Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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