I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
