what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
