You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You can't just leave with hair like that
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Randomize
