Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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