Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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