i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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