maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
