I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
