your thong is hanging out like whoa
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
