I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
