So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
