Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
