Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
