the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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