I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
