this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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