is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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