watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
