I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
