He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize