We won't sleep together?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
