So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize