Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The Olympian is in my bed
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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