saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
