uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
