this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
