I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
the condom got lost in my hair
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
