Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
There's even glitter on my cock...
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