bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize