I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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