Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
