Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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