i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
