you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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