You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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