maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
