I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
