i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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