Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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