Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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