We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
