Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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