i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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