sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
