Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
