i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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