The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
