I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
