last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so let's talk penis.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
