It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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