Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
