You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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