Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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