Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
That's how pantless uber rides happen
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize