I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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