Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
me + whiskey = a bad person
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
