its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
