yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
