Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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