A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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